Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?
Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:
You Might Be A Wreckerator If....
- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.
- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.
- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.
"It's...looking at me." "Ugly little spud, isn't it?" "I think it can hear you, Ray."
- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."
- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."
- ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:
- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.
- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:
And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...
...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.
(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)
Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.
Yesterday we learned that writing names on cake can result in some pretty unfortunate nicknames.
But what if you already have an adorable nickname? Like "Briana Banana?" How do you wreck that up?
Well, in that case, I suppose the baker could always misspell it.
But that's kind of boring, right? So, let's see... what if - hypothetically - the baker misspelled "banana", but then also, instead of drawing a banana on the cake, she tossed a real, unpeeled banana on top?
No, wait - first she should shrink-wrap the banana and draw a smiley face on it with a Sharpie. Eh? And then tie a bunch of curly ribbon around the banana stem. Totally.
And then - THEN - just because all of that makes way too much sense, the baker could sprinkle something really ridiculous all around the shrink wrapped smiley-face banana with curly ribbon tied on its stem. Something like...I dunno...little tiny dog bones.
Yeah. That would be one AWESOME wreck. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
1) I got a bridge job working at the Friendly Local Game Store 2) I continue with 1099 work 3) Some promising leads, but nothing solid. I think if by January I don't have a new patent agent job, it might be time to consider a career change.
OK, so... we've known each other for a long time now, right? And um, I just think, I mean, I really think that we're ready to, you know, take that next step together, you and me, so... I was wondering, if you would do me the honor of...
It appears that this birthday girl is turning 30 and likes cupcakes and presents. (Hey, so do I!) I hope she didn't think the bracelet was a present too, because it's 100% eat-able.
Do the cogs of your steampunk-loving-heart whir mechanically in a beating fashion for this pocket-watch?
The interior is actually set in gelatin to resemble resin. So cool. Not to mention setting the bar very high for the typical "Jello cake," which consists of poking holes in a cake and pouring Jello mix inside.
Next up is this lovely triple-strand pearl necklace cake. (I'm betting the stand is cake too, otherwise that would make for a very, very small cake).
Pearl trivia alert: Did you know it's bad luck to be given a pearl? If it's a gift, you should buy it from the giver, even if you just give them a dime in return. Not sure if pearl cakes fall into this category, so just give it to me and I'll bravely test the theory out.
But seriously, I just don't know about this 'decorating with jewelry' trend, because if I came to a party where the cake was dripping with matching necklaces, I would get all excited and think it was some kind of cool party favor display.
I didn't even know you could buy fructose. What does it look like? Does it come in a bag? I probably would have just attempted to microwave Jolly Ranchers or something, which is why I am not a professional cake-maker. (However, I do make a mean Jello cake.)
And speaking of emeralds, this cake features so many it could be the Wizard of Oz's wedding cake. If he like, really liked earrings, or something.
D&D is cancelled tonight so that the DM can drug herself into a stupor and try to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep for once. As for me, I think that I'm going to take a short nap for the next hour or so and then settle in to play video games all night.
I'm leaning towards playing more of that Mass Effect: Andromeda playthrough that I started last weekend, although I may switch over to Baldur's Gate 3 or Dragon Age: The Veilguard for at least a while. We'll just have to see what my brain seems most interested in tonight.
An Educational Overview from Cake Wrecks aka Grammar time! (Can't wreck this! Whoah-OH!)
Students, today we're going to look at how your lessons apply in the real world. Pay attention, because the pop quiz starts...now.
It's quite common for people to confuse "you're" and "your." Here's a simple way to remember which is witch:
This is wrong:
...because it raises the question, "Your old WHAT?"
This is correct:
Although it should be noted that owning an old Kurt in this day and age will never be "right."
Here's another proper usage you high schoolers may find more relevant:
Next, this rhyme can really come in handy for your spelling skills:
"I before E except after C..."
"but not in the words 'Tigers'...
"'their'...
"Or 'anniversary!'"
Quotation marks are vital for indicating when you're quoting someone verbatim or just being really, really sarcastic:
*Asterisks often denote footnotes, albeit sometimes invisible ones. Invisible footnotes are the work of the Knights Templar, and should be reported to Dan Brown "immediately."
A homonym (n) is each of two different words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, spellings, or both.
For example, "here" is where we are now:
While "hear" is what we do with our ears:
Next time we'll also discuss properly distinguishing your cursive "w"s from your "m"s.
Luckily, putting the proper endings on number contractions like first, second and third is as easy as 1th, 2th, 3th!
Well, I'm sure this lesson has been super helpful, students, so for your homework I want you all to show your teacher what you've just learned with an informative drawing. Bonus points if you use sprinkles. Or bring cake to class. Or write a sonnet entitled, "Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible."
Now, chop chop!
Oh, and next week: biology!
Thanks to Ruth, Shane S., Gal N., Beth N., Brandi H., Amy S., Carla D., Margaret J., Maria R., Sarah R., Christina M., Nicole S., Michele T., & Jess for believing the children are our future. And for teaching them "well" and letting them lead the weigh.
*****
P.S. Teachers, if your classrooms need any more fun artwork I've got just the set for you:
I especially like how they're all spelled correctly. :D (I think my favorite is "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." So many good ones, though.)
Me: Here's my money to cover another another week in the hotel. Hotel Manager: Thank you. Would you like a brand new 43" TV to replace the 13-year-old 32" TV that you currently have? Me: ... so is this a trick question?
But, yeah, they apparently are updating some of the televisions in the hotel, and the manager likes me enough that I'm near the front of the list. Which means I got a brand new TV in my suite today!
My poor cleric, SiĂąn, has had a really bad couple of weeks in-game. Over the course of the last not even a full two weeks, she has:
- woken up from being held captive by mind-controlling plants for a week - found herself in a prison camp in the middle of a warzone - watched a friend die while trying to escape said prison camp - failed to resurrect said friend - watched the resurrection fail again when someone else attempted a higher level spell - found out that her family has been accused of treason and placed under arrest - found out that a bunch of powerful nobles want to make her father emperor - saw the instant destruction of an entire town via a weapon of mass destruction - watched the friend who died come back to life separate from his still-dead corpse - given up the very last gift her deceased mother ever gave her - had a bunch of ancient knowledge magically dumped in her head - had her right arm chopped off - found out that her father named her his legitimate daughter due to obvious coercion - had her right arm unexpected regrown by way of alchemy - almost been killed by malfunctioning golems - almost watched her entire group be killed by a shadowspawn beholder - been publicly seen with magic users in an empire where magic is illegal - been involved in a very bloody battle - joined a pirate fleet - found out that the empire-wide newspaper has been smearing her name - almost been killed by assassins - found out an assassins' guild with a reputation for never quitting has been hired to kill her - been involved in another very bloody battle - found out that she's one of the most wanted people in the entire empire - almost been killed by lightning - almost drowned - died instantly from a magical trap while in a shadow plane surrounded by enemies
Considering the circumstances of her death, I'm honestly not sure what's going to happen. Resurrection may or may not be on the table, especially considering the rest of the group is about to go into a pretty massive bit of combat without a healer.
Next week, I'm planning on basically just being off camera the entire night unless something very unexpected happens. I'll figure out future plans after I see what happens in-game over the next, uh, 60 seconds or so.
They do technically at least have access to an item that will let them cast unlimited Gentle Repose, but said item is on their ship which is currently shrunk and inside a bottle. Plus said item is being used on the dead body of the group member who came back to life by other means and therefore has both a mostly-alive body and a corpse sitting on the ship, so... yeah.
Autumn starts in about a week-and-a-half, and the first day of fall is on a Monday this year. Which, you know, kinda bodes well for new beginnings in my mind since it's the first of the work week at least. And, considering how things have been going so far in September, I feel like I really need a set point for a fresh start.
So, you know, Mabon works fairly well for that.
Things have been pretty chaotic in my life the last year or two for a variety of reasons, and I think that I'm going to force myself to set up a strict daily schedule to start following again come September 22. I won't stick to it forever, but I've found in the past that the structure really does help me even if it's just for a month or so to get me back in the habit.
Now I just have to force myself to start thinking about a set schedule that will work for me while still having some flexibility for when things don't go quite as planned...
Title: Five Moments in Liz Shaw's Life as an Alien (and One Before She Knew) Fandom: Doctor Who Characters/Pairing(s): Liz Shaw, Third Doctor, the Brig, Benton Rating: Teen Word count: 1,681 Spoilers: None Summary: Liz Shaw, unexpectedly always an alien.
"I'd like a dragon cake, and could you have it breathing flame onto the cake board?"
"...And her name is Jayce. Like Joyce, but with an 'a,' not an 'o.'"
(For the longest time I couldn't figure out what "a-noPanO" meant. Finally I gave up and looked up the original e-mail.)
"Oh, you're writing this down? Great. Just write, 'Good luck, Kim.' And in big letters, could you add 'Have fun!' on the form, too? Thanks!"
"I'd like it to say, 'Thank you, Lord.' Just put 'Thank you' on one side of the cross, and 'Lord' on the other."
(I don't think the wreckerator understands the true gravity of this situation.)
"I'd like it to have 'Happy Birthday, Dad,' and under that a king of hearts playing card."
It turns out that in this bakery, a picture is only worth five words.
Thanks to Abigail, Jim K., Nikolaos J., Misty K., & Kelly C., who was secretly hoping for an "Under Neat That" on the last cake. Weren't you, Kelly? It's ok, you can admit it; I was, too.
******
P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:
I've fallen behind on watching Critical Role's various specials and miniseries since they went on their CR3-to-CR4 hiatus, mostly because they've been releasing them on Beacon and then eventually showing them on their Thursday stream. That's made it hard for me to convince my brain to keep up with things, because I need a set schedule to follow every week that I'm watching alongside other people, so... yeah.
This is part of why I have trouble watching a lot of streaming shows (it was a problem with Rings of Power especially but there have been lots of others that I just never got around to watching at all), because for my brain there's a difference between "watching live with everyone else" like with more traditional shows and "watching it when I have the time because once it drops everyone's watching it at different times so it's pointless to watch it immediately."
Anyway, I really want to force myself to get caught up in the lead-up to CR4 starting - if only to get myself used to watching their long episodes again - so I'm going to list out the various specials that I still need to properly watch. And then I'm going to try to set aside the time to watch them over the next few weeks. If I can manage it, I may also try to make a few posts about them as I watch them, but watching them in the first place is my priority.
If I have time, I'll also try to watch Age of Umbra, which I started but had to drop because of stuff going on with work and IRL at the time. It's lower on the list, though, so we'll see if I manage it. And, hey, if a miracle happens then maybe I'll even find the time to watch some other miniseries they've had going further back that I never found the time to watch.
But, yeah. We'll see how it goes? Live Shows are the "must watch" part of the list. Everything else is just gravy.
I've been doing lots of low key self-care this last week. Stress - or perhaps the absence of it, my shoulders coming down from around my ears - has been taking a toll on my body lately, so I've been putting in the effort of doing the little things to take care of myself. I got a haircut, I went for a massage, when one of my knitting ladies offered me apples and plums I said yes and made jam. (And parsnip and apple soup, and an awful lot of apple sauce, some to freeze, some to make muffins and pies with, some to eat on porridge.) I took advantage of these last few mild but breezy days to air out the house, change the sheets and dry them outside for probably the last time this season.
There's a tideline in my flat, you can see where I've been on a tear, cleaning things. Taking everything off shelves, dusting them and putting them back. My little pumkin fairy lights are up, and I've put fresh batteries in the rest of my fairy lights. I've been writing a lot lately, so I prioritised cleaning and tidying my computer corner, so I have a refuge I can retreat to when the deep clean is getting on top of me. I've been doing lots of the small jobs that I keep forgetting, and a couple of bigger ones that I've been putting off have turned up to be easier than expected to accomplish. I've finished a couple of craft projects - strategically, they were getting on top of me - and started others, and it turns out the jumper I just finished has highlights in the perfect shade to match my new favourite skirt. (Neatly turning it from just a summer skirt into an autumn and spring affair, I can wear it now with thick leggings, boots and the jumper.) I started a new craft kit that's been lurking since some time during the second lockdown. It's a little amigurumi style crab. Round and round I go, my tension is tighter than it ought to be but that's okay, amigurumi need to be densely crocheted. I got a small payrise and treated myself to a new LEGO set as a reward.
Everything feels a lot, but I'm working through my to-do list, making progress and trying to be kind to myself. There's more to do but I'm getting there.
There's so much to be worried about. So much to be angry about. But I can only do what I can do and sometimes all that I can do is take of myself and those around me.
Will you guys ever get tired of seeing wedding missed marks? 'Cuz I'm thinking, "no."
Let's test that theory, shall we?
What the bride wanted:
What the bride got:
That'll buff out.
A lovely leaf motif:
And a lovely...oh good grief:
Actually, that leaf design is so popular I have two wedding wrecks based on it:
Whoah. This baker needs to make like a tree, and get out of tree decorations.
(Hm. I feel like that line didn't go quite right. Maybe I should follow it up with something clever.)
So.
YEAH.
(Theeere we go.)
This next one's in reverse order; here's what Anthony L's bakery replaced another bakery's initial wreck with, and with only an hour and a half to do so before the wedding started:
Not bad for less than two hours' work, right?
Especially when you compare what the original cake (again, from another bakery) looked like:
Am I the only one who thinks this looks like Play-Doh? I keep expecting it to spring to life, claymation style. And then maybe turn into a giant demon dog and terrorize a nerdy New York accountant.
Just me?
Here's a fun, modern pattern:
Aaaaand the fun stops HERE:
It's never a good sign when your cake is crying.
Goodness gracious, great balls on wires!
Seriously. They're like shiny little bubbles of joy - totally cute.
These, on the other hand, are just...
...balls.
Thanks to Krista V., Emily B., Allison I., Anthony L., Tempest J., & Sarah B. for feeding our horrible wedding wreck obsession.
*****
P.S. In case your life was missing a set of cat butt magnets, I found you some:
Side by Side (1506 words) by Settiai Chapters: 1/1 Fandom:Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Oghren & Female Surana (Dragon Age) Characters: Female Surana (Dragon Age), Oghren (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Alcohol, The Black Emporium Exchange, Friendship, One Shot, Sparring Summary:Oghren might have been a nug humping bastard, but he couldn't just stand by and do nothing after he realized that the big scary Warden everyone was talking about was barely more than a kid.