You Might Be A Wreckerator If...

Sep. 17th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?

Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:

 

You Might Be A Wreckerator If....

- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.


- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.

 

- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.

"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."

 

- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."

 

- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."

 

 - ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:

 

- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.

 

- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:

 

And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...

...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.

(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)

 

Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Fee Fi Fo Fana!

Sep. 16th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Yesterday we learned that writing names on cake can result in some pretty unfortunate nicknames.

But what if you already have an adorable nickname? Like "Briana Banana?" How do you wreck that up?

Well, in that case, I suppose the baker could always misspell it.

But that's kind of boring, right? So, let's see... what if - hypothetically - the baker misspelled "banana", but then also, instead of drawing a banana on the cake, she tossed a real, unpeeled banana on top?

No, wait - first she should shrink-wrap the banana and draw a smiley face on it with a Sharpie. Eh? And then tie a bunch of curly ribbon around the banana stem. Totally.

And then - THEN - just because all of that makes way too much sense, the baker could sprinkle something really ridiculous all around the shrink wrapped smiley-face banana with curly ribbon tied on its stem. Something like...I dunno...little tiny dog bones.

Yeah. That would be one AWESOME wreck. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

 

Right, April A.?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Quarterly update

Sep. 15th, 2025 10:43 am
tptigger: (Default)
[personal profile] tptigger
1) I got a bridge job working at the Friendly Local Game Store
2) I continue with 1099 work
3) Some promising leads, but nothing solid.
I think if by January I don't have a new patent agent job, it might be time to consider a career change.

9 Accidental Nicknames

Sep. 15th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Names are tough - there are just so many weird ones out there - so I tend to cut bakers a lot of slack when it comes to misspelling them.

But I'm pretty sure these birthday kids weren't so understanding:

"...and that's how Bobby got his nickname! Now, you two kids get going, and have a nice prom!"

 

I'm guessing something about this cake is going to rub little Chase the wrong way:

Ooh. BURN.

 

Clap your hands if you believe Tink's gonna be ticked.

This remains one of my all-time favorite name wrecks:

"Look, Stetson! It's almost like you're part of the family!"


Of all the times to mix up your "u"s and "a"s...

And this is what we call a Freudian piping slip:

It was a bittersweet parting.

 

Of course, not every name goof results in an insult. Some people even come out ahead:

Way, WAY ahead.

 

It's doubly unfortunate that these polka dots look a lot more "Turdi" than "Trudi":

What a way to go.

 

Let's hope Violet doesn't live up to her new nick name.

 

This "cookie bouquet" was for a baby shower. I'll let you spot the problem:

"Well, I SHOULD HOPE SO."

 

Thanks to Brian C.,  Elizabeth B., Beth, Natalie B., Melissa R., Lacey C., Jennifer S., Kirsten H., Addy L., & Jennie C. for not naming any names.

*****

P.S. If you're bad with names, why not plaster their faces all over a pair of socks?

Custom Face Socks

Though I have to admit it's way cuter with pets.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Lindsey

OK, so... we've known each other for a long time now, right? And um, I just think, I mean, I really think that we're ready to, you know, take that next step together, you and me, so... I was wondering, if you would do me the honor of...

By Rosebud Cakes

 ...looking at a bunch of beautiful jewelry-themed cakes with me?  

You will?  Oh, this is the happiest day of my life!

 

 Let's start things out sweetly with this charm bracelet cake.

By Whipped Bakeshop

 It appears that this birthday girl is turning 30 and likes cupcakes and presents. (Hey, so do I!) I hope she didn't think the bracelet was a present too, because it's 100% eat-able.

 

Do the cogs of your steampunk-loving-heart whir mechanically in a beating fashion for this pocket-watch?

By CC member LourdesGel (more pics at link)

The interior is actually set in gelatin to resemble resin. So cool.  Not to mention setting the bar very high for the typical "Jello cake," which consists of poking holes in a cake and pouring Jello mix inside.

 

Next up is this lovely triple-strand pearl necklace cake.  (I'm betting the stand is cake too, otherwise that would make for a very, very small cake).

By CakeCentral member tiptop57

Pearl trivia alert: Did you know it's bad luck to be given a pearl?  If it's a gift, you should buy it from the giver, even if you just give them a dime in return.  Not sure if pearl cakes fall into this category, so just give it to me and I'll bravely test the theory out.

 

But seriously, I just don't know about this 'decorating with jewelry' trend, because if I came to a party where the cake was dripping with matching necklaces, I would get all excited and think it was some kind of cool party favor display.

Submitted by Jessica C., made by We Bake In Heels

 I'd probably be just as excited to learn I could eat them though.

 

And some gifts are better off being eaten anyway.  Buying your boss a fancy new watch?  That's a good way to weird him out.

From the Raymond Weil page here (ordered for the CEO's anniversary), baker not listed.

 But making your boss a cake in the shape of a fancy watch?  You just got yourself a raise!

 

Here's another:

Doesn't this look totally real?  That gold-plating is so smooth and shiny, I'm having visions of cracking a tooth on it.

 

The 'stones' inside this emerald choker are actually made from melted fructose and water. 

By CC member Aleksandraaa

 I didn't even know you could buy fructose.  What does it look like? Does it come in a bag?  I probably would have just attempted to microwave Jolly Ranchers or something, which is why I am not a professional cake-maker.  (However, I do make a mean Jello cake.)

 

And speaking of emeralds, this cake features so many it could be the Wizard of Oz's wedding cake.  If he like, really liked earrings, or something.

(Featured on Martha Stewart Weddings, but the baker isn't listed. Anyone know?)

 Every single perfectly-piped pendant on this cake is completely edible as well.

 

And what would a jewelry-themed cake round-up be without including a certain iconic shade of blue?

By Sucre Coeur

 Forget Breakfast at Tiffany's, I'll take dessert!

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. While we're talking jewelry, anyone want to bring vintage style pins back? Because this entire set of 7 lovelies is only $15:

7 Pc Women's Brooch Set

OooOOOooh. I think the owl is my favorite. And the peacock. And the dragonfly.

Video Games

Sep. 12th, 2025 04:05 pm
settiai: (Jaal -- settiai)
[personal profile] settiai
D&D is cancelled tonight so that the DM can drug herself into a stupor and try to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep for once. As for me, I think that I'm going to take a short nap for the next hour or so and then settle in to play video games all night.

I'm leaning towards playing more of that Mass Effect: Andromeda playthrough that I started last weekend, although I may switch over to Baldur's Gate 3 or Dragon Age: The Veilguard for at least a while. We'll just have to see what my brain seems most interested in tonight.

Teaching Tools

Sep. 12th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

 An Educational Overview from Cake Wrecks
aka 
Grammar time! (Can't wreck this! Whoah-OH!)

Students, today we're going to look at how your lessons apply in the real world. Pay attention, because the pop quiz starts...now.

 

It's quite common for people to confuse "you're" and "your." Here's a simple way to remember which is witch:

 

 This is wrong:

...because it raises the question, "Your old WHAT?"

 

This is correct:

Although it should be noted that owning an old Kurt in this day and age will never be "right."

 

Here's another proper usage you high schoolers may find more relevant:

 

 Next, this rhyme can really come in handy for your spelling skills:

 "I before E except after C..."

 

 "but not in the words 'Tigers'...

 

"'their'...

 

 "Or 'anniversary!'"

 

Quotation marks are vital for indicating when you're quoting someone verbatim or just being really, really sarcastic:

*Asterisks often denote footnotes, albeit sometimes invisible ones. Invisible footnotes are the work of the Knights Templar, and should be reported to Dan Brown "immediately."

 

homonym (n) is each of two different words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, spellings, or both.

For example, "here" is where we are now:

 

 While "hear" is what we do with our ears:

Next time we'll also discuss properly distinguishing your cursive "w"s from your "m"s.

 

Luckily, putting the proper endings on number contractions like first, second and third is as easy as 1th, 2th, 3th!

 
 

Well, I'm sure this lesson has been super helpful, students, so for your homework I want you all to show your teacher what you've just learned with an informative drawing. Bonus points if you use sprinkles. Or bring cake to class. Or write a sonnet entitled, "Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible."

Now, chop chop!

Oh, and next week: biology!

 

Thanks to Ruth, Shane S., Gal N., Beth N., Brandi H., Amy S., Carla D., Margaret J., Maria R., Sarah R., Christina M., Nicole S., Michele T., & Jess for believing the children are our future. And for teaching them "well" and letting them lead the weigh.

*****

P.S. Teachers, if your classrooms need any more fun artwork I've got just the set for you:

Sweetzer & Orange Set of 13 Posters for Middle and High School Classroom

I especially like how they're all spelled correctly. :D (I think my favorite is "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." So many good ones, though.)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Hotel Life

Sep. 11th, 2025 08:52 pm
settiai: (Cogsworth/Lumiere -- vegetas)
[personal profile] settiai
Hey, there was a positive for once today!

Me: Here's my money to cover another another week in the hotel.
Hotel Manager: Thank you. Would you like a brand new 43" TV to replace the 13-year-old 32" TV that you currently have?
Me: ... so is this a trick question?

But, yeah, they apparently are updating some of the televisions in the hotel, and the manager likes me enough that I'm near the front of the list. Which means I got a brand new TV in my suite today!

The Best Return For Your Money

Sep. 11th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Spacing: The FINAL frontier.

These are the travesties of the bakers-who-don't-plan-ahead-well.

Plus the ones who like to center-justify their text so each line only has four letters each, because, yeah, THAT makes sense.

(Great. Now I really want there to be a band named the Cong Rats.)

Or how about just three letters each?

Que?

 

I know how those long words can sneak up on you, bakers, but the important thing is to make sure everything is legible and spelled correctly:

Oooh, so close.

 

Less close.

 

You're kidding, right?

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??

 Ahem.

Then there are the bakers who get their spacing right, but throw in a dash anyway:

Dash it all!

And, uh, this person:

Oooh, if only there'd been more space for the baker to work with!

 

 And finally, there are the bakers who are just batpoop insane:

Forget the writing - I want to know what that drippy brown spot is.

Or...do I?

o.0


Thanks to Krissy K., 

Christine D., 

Justine J., 

 

Chris & Jessica, 

Deborah B., Carl J., Marina C., Angela W., Bronwyn G., & Angie W. for really exploring the
bakery space.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Aurendor D&D

Sep. 11th, 2025 10:40 am
settiai: (D&D -- settiai)
[personal profile] settiai
My poor cleric, SiĂąn, has had a really bad couple of weeks in-game. Over the course of the last not even a full two weeks, she has:

- woken up from being held captive by mind-controlling plants for a week
- found herself in a prison camp in the middle of a warzone
- watched a friend die while trying to escape said prison camp
- failed to resurrect said friend
- watched the resurrection fail again when someone else attempted a higher level spell
- found out that her family has been accused of treason and placed under arrest
- found out that a bunch of powerful nobles want to make her father emperor
- saw the instant destruction of an entire town via a weapon of mass destruction
- watched the friend who died come back to life separate from his still-dead corpse
- given up the very last gift her deceased mother ever gave her
- had a bunch of ancient knowledge magically dumped in her head
- had her right arm chopped off
- found out that her father named her his legitimate daughter due to obvious coercion
- had her right arm unexpected regrown by way of alchemy
- almost been killed by malfunctioning golems
- almost watched her entire group be killed by a shadowspawn beholder
- been publicly seen with magic users in an empire where magic is illegal
- been involved in a very bloody battle
- joined a pirate fleet
- found out that the empire-wide newspaper has been smearing her name
- almost been killed by assassins
- found out an assassins' guild with a reputation for never quitting has been hired to kill her
- been involved in another very bloody battle
- found out that she's one of the most wanted people in the entire empire
- almost been killed by lightning
- almost drowned
- died instantly from a magical trap while in a shadow plane surrounded by enemies

Considering the circumstances of her death, I'm honestly not sure what's going to happen. Resurrection may or may not be on the table, especially considering the rest of the group is about to go into a pretty massive bit of combat without a healer.

Next week, I'm planning on basically just being off camera the entire night unless something very unexpected happens. I'll figure out future plans after I see what happens in-game over the next, uh, 60 seconds or so.

They do technically at least have access to an item that will let them cast unlimited Gentle Repose, but said item is on their ship which is currently shrunk and inside a bottle. Plus said item is being used on the dead body of the group member who came back to life by other means and therefore has both a mostly-alive body and a corpse sitting on the ship, so... yeah.

(Don't ask. Trust me.)

Aurendor D&D: Summary for 9/10 Game

Sep. 11th, 2025 12:00 am
settiai: (SiĂąn -- settiai)
[personal profile] settiai
In tonight's game, the rest under a cut for those who don't care. )

And that's where we left off.

One step at a time...

Sep. 10th, 2025 04:00 pm
settiai: (Pumpkin -- funkthat)
[personal profile] settiai
Autumn starts in about a week-and-a-half, and the first day of fall is on a Monday this year. Which, you know, kinda bodes well for new beginnings in my mind since it's the first of the work week at least. And, considering how things have been going so far in September, I feel like I really need a set point for a fresh start.

So, you know, Mabon works fairly well for that.

Things have been pretty chaotic in my life the last year or two for a variety of reasons, and I think that I'm going to force myself to set up a strict daily schedule to start following again come September 22. I won't stick to it forever, but I've found in the past that the structure really does help me even if it's just for a month or so to get me back in the habit.

Now I just have to force myself to start thinking about a set schedule that will work for me while still having some flexibility for when things don't go quite as planned...
nonelvis: (DW blue TARDIS)
[personal profile] nonelvis posting in [community profile] dwfiction
Title: Five Moments in Liz Shaw's Life as an Alien (and One Before She Knew)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairing(s): Liz Shaw, Third Doctor, the Brig, Benton
Rating: Teen
Word count: 1,681
Spoilers: None
Summary: Liz Shaw, unexpectedly always an alien.

Author's notes: Written for the Always an Alien square on my Keep Fandom Weird bingo card. Thanks to [personal profile] platypus for the beta.

follow the fake cut to the fic

Getting EXACTLY What You Ask For

Sep. 10th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Ever wonder how a wreck gets ordered?

 

"I'd like a dragon cake, and could you have it breathing flame onto the cake board?"

 

"...And her name is Jayce. Like Joyce, but with an 'a,' not an 'o.'"

(For the longest time I couldn't figure out what "a-noPanO" meant. Finally I gave up and looked up the original e-mail.)

 

"Oh, you're writing this down? Great. Just write, 'Good luck, Kim.' And in big letters, could you add 'Have fun!' on the form, too? Thanks!"


"I'd like it to say, 'Thank you, Lord.' Just put 'Thank you' on one side of the cross, and 'Lord' on the other."

(I don't think the wreckerator understands the true gravity of this situation.)

 

"I'd like it to have 'Happy Birthday, Dad,' and under that a king of hearts playing card."

It turns out that in this bakery, a picture is only worth five words.

 

Thanks to Abigail, Jim K., Nikolaos J., Misty K., & Kelly C., who was secretly hoping for an "Under Neat That" on the last cake. Weren't you, Kelly? It's ok, you can admit it; I was, too.

******

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Critical Role: To-Watch List

Sep. 9th, 2025 10:40 pm
settiai: (Critical Role -- settiai)
[personal profile] settiai
I've fallen behind on watching Critical Role's various specials and miniseries since they went on their CR3-to-CR4 hiatus, mostly because they've been releasing them on Beacon and then eventually showing them on their Thursday stream. That's made it hard for me to convince my brain to keep up with things, because I need a set schedule to follow every week that I'm watching alongside other people, so... yeah.

This is part of why I have trouble watching a lot of streaming shows (it was a problem with Rings of Power especially but there have been lots of others that I just never got around to watching at all), because for my brain there's a difference between "watching live with everyone else" like with more traditional shows and "watching it when I have the time because once it drops everyone's watching it at different times so it's pointless to watch it immediately."

Anyway, I really want to force myself to get caught up in the lead-up to CR4 starting - if only to get myself used to watching their long episodes again - so I'm going to list out the various specials that I still need to properly watch. And then I'm going to try to set aside the time to watch them over the next few weeks. If I can manage it, I may also try to make a few posts about them as I watch them, but watching them in the first place is my priority.

If I have time, I'll also try to watch Age of Umbra, which I started but had to drop because of stuff going on with work and IRL at the time. It's lower on the list, though, so we'll see if I manage it. And, hey, if a miracle happens then maybe I'll even find the time to watch some other miniseries they've had going further back that I never found the time to watch.

But, yeah. We'll see how it goes? Live Shows are the "must watch" part of the list. Everything else is just gravy.

List under the cut. )
glinda: an autumnal woodland, pale blue sky visible between orange leaves (autumn leaves)
[personal profile] glinda
I've been doing lots of low key self-care this last week. Stress - or perhaps the absence of it, my shoulders coming down from around my ears - has been taking a toll on my body lately, so I've been putting in the effort of doing the little things to take care of myself. I got a haircut, I went for a massage, when one of my knitting ladies offered me apples and plums I said yes and made jam. (And parsnip and apple soup, and an awful lot of apple sauce, some to freeze, some to make muffins and pies with, some to eat on porridge.) I took advantage of these last few mild but breezy days to air out the house, change the sheets and dry them outside for probably the last time this season.

There's a tideline in my flat, you can see where I've been on a tear, cleaning things. Taking everything off shelves, dusting them and putting them back. My little pumkin fairy lights are up, and I've put fresh batteries in the rest of my fairy lights. I've been writing a lot lately, so I prioritised cleaning and tidying my computer corner, so I have a refuge I can retreat to when the deep clean is getting on top of me. I've been doing lots of the small jobs that I keep forgetting, and a couple of bigger ones that I've been putting off have turned up to be easier than expected to accomplish. I've finished a couple of craft projects - strategically, they were getting on top of me - and started others, and it turns out the jumper I just finished has highlights in the perfect shade to match my new favourite skirt. (Neatly turning it from just a summer skirt into an autumn and spring affair, I can wear it now with thick leggings, boots and the jumper.) I started a new craft kit that's been lurking since some time during the second lockdown. It's a little amigurumi style crab. Round and round I go, my tension is tighter than it ought to be but that's okay, amigurumi need to be densely crocheted. I got a small payrise and treated myself to a new LEGO set as a reward.

Everything feels a lot, but I'm working through my to-do list, making progress and trying to be kind to myself. There's more to do but I'm getting there.

There's so much to be worried about. So much to be angry about. But I can only do what I can do and sometimes all that I can do is take of myself and those around me.

Birch, Please.

Sep. 9th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Me: AAAUUGH! BWAHAHAAA!

John: What? [seeing cake] What IS that?

Me: [laughing]

John: Is it a cow? Buried face down?

Me: [still laughing]

John: Wait, no, I think it's a tree. A birch tree.

Me: [shrill cackling punctuated by honking, bugle-like snorts]

John: Is there a two-liter in that thing? Seriously, look; I think there's a soda bottle in there! Jen?

Me: [wiping eyes] Oh, so you're saying it's all bark and no bite?

John: Ug, that's terrible. We need some good puns.

Me: Hey, if you don't like my puns, you can make like a tree, and GET OUT OF HERE.

John: That's it. No more Back to the Future marathons for you.

Me: Awww. You are my density, baby.

 

Thanks to Amanda C. for proving there's nothing shady at all about a tree stump with two limbs.

Oops! They Did It Again

Sep. 8th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Will you guys ever get tired of seeing wedding missed marks? 'Cuz I'm thinking, "no."

Let's test that theory, shall we?

 

What the bride wanted:

What the bride got:

That'll buff out.

 

A lovely leaf motif:

And a lovely...oh good grief:

Actually, that leaf design is so popular I have two wedding wrecks based on it:

Whoah. This baker needs to make like a tree, and get out of tree decorations.

(Hm. I feel like that line didn't go quite right. Maybe I should follow it up with something clever.)

So.

YEAH.

(Theeere we go.)

This next one's in reverse order; here's what Anthony L's bakery replaced another bakery's initial wreck with, and with only an hour and a half to do so before the wedding started:

Not bad for less than two hours' work, right?

 

Especially when you compare what the original cake (again, from another bakery) looked like:

Am I the only one who thinks this looks like Play-Doh? I keep expecting it to spring to life, claymation style. And then maybe turn into a giant demon dog and terrorize a nerdy New York accountant.

Just me?

 

Here's a fun, modern pattern:

Aaaaand the fun stops HERE:

It's never a good sign when your cake is crying.

 

Goodness gracious, great balls on wires!

Seriously. They're like shiny little bubbles of joy - totally cute.

 

These, on the other hand, are just...

...balls.

 

Thanks to Krista V., Emily B., Allison I., Anthony L., Tempest J., & Sarah B. for feeding our horrible wedding wreck obsession.

*****

P.S. In case your life was missing a set of cat butt magnets, I found you some:

Cat Butt Magnets

There's also a set for dogs.

You're welcome.


:D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Titansfall D&D: Summary for 9/7 Game

Sep. 7th, 2025 11:05 pm
settiai: (Sim -- settiai (TriaElf9))
[personal profile] settiai
In tonight's game, the rest under a cut for those who don't care. )

And that's where we left off.

Fic: Side by Side (Dragon Age)

Sep. 7th, 2025 04:48 pm
settiai: (Dragon Age -- offensive)
[personal profile] settiai
Side by Side (1506 words) by Settiai
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Oghren & Female Surana (Dragon Age)
Characters: Female Surana (Dragon Age), Oghren (Dragon Age)
Additional Tags: Alcohol, The Black Emporium Exchange, Friendship, One Shot, Sparring
Summary: Oghren might have been a nug humping bastard, but he couldn't just stand by and do nothing after he realized that the big scary Warden everyone was talking about was barely more than a kid.

December 2020

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